It's Friday the 13th and apparently that has some significance to humans living in the Western Hemisphere. I went to Arby's today to get a Beef 'n Cheddar and some Onion Petals and everyone seemed to be on edge. I asked Matilda, the only employee at Arby's who truly knows how to make my Beef 'n Cheddars just the way I like them, "what gives, Matil?" She was like, "PA, it's Friday the 13th. Don't you know? It's a day filled with bad luck and superstitions." 

"I was not aware of this and could you make sure Jose leaves my onion petals in the frier for about 11 seconds longer than usual? Thanks." 

As Matilda turned away from me to fill my order, I noticed that she had a very lovely collection of sweat building up on her lower back. The stain on her forest green Arby's emblazened polo shirt got me thinking about superstitions we have where I'm from. We don't have a day like Friday the 13th but since we are shapeless, immortal creatures every time we accidently pass through one another we have to tell each other a joke. If you can't make the other being laugh, then you are forced to hold your breath for 30 days. We take this very seriously. Here's the joke that I use all the time and it always works. "A coffee bean, a rubberband, and a male prostitute walk into a bar. The bartender says to the three of them, 'what'll it be, folks?' The coffee bean says, 'I'll have a shot of Jameson'. The rubberband says, 'I'd like a pint of your heffeweisen.' And the prostitute says, 'Nothing for me, thanks. I'm just going to use the bathroom.'" Funny, right? OMG, I'm literally crying right now I'm laughing so hard. What, you don't think it's funny? Screw you guys. I've won awards with that joke. 

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