Everybody knows how I love to dance, right? It's true. There's something inside me that tells me I have to do it and I have to do it well. That something is called Pete. Obviously, this Pete resides in a realm that humans cannot detect. Every organism in the universe has a Pete, but beings such as I are especially honed into our inner Pete. That is why we have madd skillz on the dance floor and why you sometimes see me dancing on the sidewalks and construction sites of your city. There have been many theories postulated as to why humans dance or feel the need to dance. Something about the rhythms of biology. The beating of the heart, the pumping of your blood, the cycles of sleep and wakefulness, pooping, peeing, that sort of stuff.  The reality of the situation is that your Pete feeds off of beats and when he feeds he gains control of your body and makes it move to the beat. It's the only way to quell Pete's hunger. Some people's Pete's are stronger than others.

"What does Pete look like?" you ask. He looks a little bit like Wallace Shawn. That's the best way to describe him. He is the actual size of Wallace Shawn too. This is hard to explain because you can't perceive him, but a creature the size of one of America's hardest working and most successful and underrated actors of all time lives in all of us. Earlier on, about 250 word ago, I said Pete was the reason I have to dance well. The leading cause of depression in America is an unsated Pete. I shit you not, earthlings. Think about it. Have you ever met an unhappy person who dances a lot? Oh, but you're like, "you said dance 'well'. Some people dance horribly and they're happy. How do you explain that Mr. Ambassador?" Aha! How astute of you, slimy human. I will explain how one dances well. You dance with heart. You dance with feeling. You have to not care how you are perceived by others. You don't have to have precision or technical ability, though some say that brings greater enjoyment but this has yet to be proven. So there it is. Love the way you dance. Feel it in your bones, in your heart, in your blood, in your sexual organs, but most of all, feel it in your Pete. He'll appreciate it and in return he will make you happy.